St. David’s Cathedral Diptych – Southwest Wales

I.

Holy Trinity Chapel Reredos

Silent, still, I rest before the reredos,
Christ crucified carved in stone,
Mother Mary and Beloved John
stand immobile, downcast.

Ecce Agnus Dei Qui Tollit Peccata Mundi
emboldened in gold leaf chiseled letters

I slapped you once
across the cheek,
your left cheek—

my own daughter.

You were hysterical
out of all proportion, wailing
in fury about injustice and hurt—

your very own.

I wanted to stop the meltdown,
slap some sense into you, say
you’re not the only one to feel this way.

Say life is difficult,
how you carry it will make
you or shatter you.

You stared at me wide-eyed,
clammed up, added one more
stone to the cave of your heart.

Father, forgive.

II.

Unexpected Grace

I leave the chapel
for brighter skies,
stop at the village butcher,
buy ham, cheese, granary bread,
turn now towards the coast,
my prayer trailing behind
like wisps of fog
rolling off the sea.

Atop the mottes and baileys
of Penpleidau above Caerfai Bay
I lay my lunch
on a blue plaid cloth,
watch the blood red kayaks
navigate the ancient sea,
think of my girl, crimson
welt spreading across her face.

In the space between thoughts
where sheer silence dwells,
God’s word stirs, softly
springs the latch to my heart.
I bite into the bread—
salvation blooms.

Ecce Agnus Dei Qui Tollit Peccata Mundi
(Behold the Lamb of God who takes away sins of the world)

Penpleidiau: an Iron Age Promontory Fort

Life in the Balance

Op-ed by Roger Cohen: Rhodes and the Balanced Life
New York Times, October 5, 2015

This morning Roger takes my hand, leads me up
clock tower stairs to stand over Rhodes.
Christian, Muslim, Jew fought here, he says,
died for their brand of God.

His thoughts turn
to Aleppo and the graveyard of Syria,
the barbarous jihadi cult bringing
schism, murder and terror.

Mine turn to the battles raging
in my brother’s body, barbarous cells
flood bone, muscle, nerves and nodes,
leave dissolution in its wake.

After Roger’s musings he lunches
on calamari, chats with the restaurateur,
wonders about Greek toasts:
To our health or To the balanced life?

I sit on my prayer cushion, a lament on my lips.
My brother returns from a skirmish
with chemical warfare, stares
at four scrambled eggs and a Diet Coke.

His body the epicenter of fanaticism,
the exhaustion of war settles in.
Before he surrenders he offers a toast:
“To your health, Dear Sister, to your health.”

Monastery Afternoon

Today I roamed unfamiliar streets
and walkways past school yards,
Victorian homes, corner shops. Found
a boat house here, a park path there, followed

through open fields and tunnels
of trees that always led back to a street.
Now all is quiet outside the cloister,
inside midday breeze ruffles

blue and white striped curtains. I rest
on my bed, listen to children
on scooters push their way
home for naps.

Enclosed in these walls, I work my way
through a labyrinth of prayer in the way
I once wandered home from school,
stretching my boundaries, testing my nerve.

Will I risk a new street, a new turn?
Will I go far enough to feel brave,
or too far and be lost?

I have been practicing contemplative prayer in the Christian tradition for 30 years, out of which springs my spiritual direction practice, retreat facilitation, sermons and writing. My practice informs my engagement with family, friends, the strangers I routinely encounter and my abiding concern for the world we live in, most especially the children.

Emily Wilmer is a spiritual director, retreat leader, poet, and with her husband, David G.R. Keller, co-director of Oasis of Wisdom: Institute for Contemplative Study, Practice and Living in Asheville, NC. She is an oblate of St. John’s Benedictine Abbey in Collegeville, MN, a licensed lay preacher in the Episcopal Church. Her poems have appeared in KAKALAK, Sufi Journal (UK), Thomas Merton Poetry of the Sacred finalist, Great Smokies Review, NC Poetry Society Poetry of Courage award winner (2nd), Flying South 2019, Pushcart Prize nominee, and various other journals.

More on Emily Wilmer’s work can be found on our Links page.